Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Smiles

I am just loving being a mother.

Don't get me wrong, its not easy. Getting up every four hours at night is exhausting, and I find if she wakes up after 3 and a half hours I can actually cry. Just that half an hour is so important to me! Breastfeeding is also not that easy, being the only one who can feed my precious one and spending hours sitting alone in rooms at parties, isn't fun. As for the projectile vomiting and explosive pooing... Well that's another story all together!

But all in all? Its much easier than I thought it would be! I don't know what I expected, but I really thought it would be worse. I expected much less sleep and I expected breastfeeding to be really painful. The stories everyone told me, I was convinced I'd be a tired bleeding nippled crazy person. But I'm not. Well I am still a crazy person, due to sleep deprivation! But I still function ok.

I still feel incredibly incompetent most of the time. I don't seem to ever know what to do when, and I'm constantly sending messages to all my other mommy friends asking for help and advice. Thankfully they're all fantastic and offer constant reassurance and support.

Things I haven't figures out yet:
1. How to breastfeed or express without getting full of milk or getting Lily full of milk. The other day I somehow managed to spray her in the eye. I laughed for ages about that, which probably makes me a bad mommy but she didn't seem to fazed.
2. How to avoid getting Lilys clothes, changing mat and myself full of poo when I change a poo nappy.
3. How to shower, bath or go to the toilet during the day when I don't have someone to watch her.
4. How to avoid sneezing as soon as she FINALLY falls asleep after trying to get her down for ages. Resulting in a spectacular splayed arms, wide eyed fright!
5. How to have my usual cup of coffee while its still hot in the morning. I'm to scared to drink it while holding/feeding her because I'm a notoriously bad drinker and I'm worried I spill on her. Haven't had a hot cup of coffee in ages!
6. I still don't know the words to most of the lullabies and baby songs that seem to calm her down. So I either sing twinkle twinkle little star on repeat or I make them up.
7. How to have a conversation on the phone that is not ended with, I have to go Lilys crying/hungry/awake.
8. How to not drop everything I'm doing to smile and laugh when she smiles at me. When I look at her and get a sparkly eyed smile back, I can't carry on doing what I was planning on doing, I have to smile and laugh and cuddle my sweetheart. This is mostly why I don't get anything done during the day!

Things I have mastered!
1. How to eat any meal with my fingers, left handed. Lily always seems to be hungry as soon as I sit down for a meal. And its very hard to eat with a fork when you have to do it one handed with a baby latched onto your chest, so I use my fingers. Not the most polite thing to do I know, but if I didn't, I'd starve.
2. How to eat a meal in 5 mins flat. When I do get chance to eat without feeding her, I eat so fast because I'm SURE she's gonna kick off any second.
3. Changing a wet nappy before nighttime feeds before she wakes up enough to start crying. Quick quick quick!
4. Typing blog posts/ twitter status/ facebook status/ emails or bbms with one hand on my BB
5. Night time feeds. I'm so organised they go by so easily.
6. Swaddling
7.Waking up just before she wakes for a feed, thereby avoiding any crying!
8. Singing, rocking and reading my twitter feed at the same time.

Like I've said in a previous post (101 things about me) all I've ever wanted is to be a mother, and its better than I ever thought it would be!

Monday, October 3, 2011

Puking, pooing and lack of sleep

So we're a little over 3 weeks onto our new lives, and what a three weeks its been! The first few days in the hospital we're actually nice. Shaun took time off work so he came in at 8am and left at 8pm (usually a bit later, he'd push it until they kicked him out). The first night I was so exhausted, I had woken up on Wednesday morning at 8, slept from 12 till 2 that night and then nothing until 11pm on friday evening, where I was to be found a sobbing heap with a screaming baby who couldn't latch. It was a nightmare. I didn't know what to do and I was beyond exhausted. Eventually a nurse came in to see what was up and I begged her to take Lily to the nursery so that I could just sleep for an hour. Her response? No sorry the nursery is closed tonight because we're having a maternity open day tomorrow. So we're only taking first night babies. Whew I thought, good my baby is a first night baby! Oh no she says, only ceasar babies. So I cried some more and asked her to just help me feed her. Eventually she saw that I was just not coping and said she'd take her, but would have to give her a top up feed of formula. Although I had been so adamant not to give her formula, I agreed. Its very difficult to stick to your guns when your baby is hungry! So I slept for four blissful hours and went to fetch her. She had also slept and eaten and was much happier. That night she had to go under the lights because she was a bit jaundice from the vacuum the used to pull her out. That was so traumatic! Now I can see that I was being overly dramatic but I was tired and scared and overwhelmed and she was all alone in the incubator with these little sunglasses stuck over her eyes and no clothes on and SCREAMING. She was meant to stay with me in a private room but I just couldn't take seeing her cry like that so they took her to the nursery. Again she had to have top up formula feeds, because under the lights they can dehydrate. The next day we went home, so wonderful to be in my own home with my own things! That night I gave her a bit of formula because she was hungry, but the next day my milk came in and since then we've had no problems.
She has pooed on Shaun and mom, ha ha. So funny! As soon as they open her nappy to change her it all squirts out! Ha ha. She also has a bit of a puking problem and she puked all over all of us. She projectile pukes and manages to totally cover us. So much that you have to change your outfit all the way to underwear. Ha ha. So now I have to hold her upright for 30mins after each feed so her tummy settles. Difficult to do at 3am when I'm exhausted but worth it. She slept in a two hour routine at first but is now on a 3.5 or 4hour one which is much better. I sleep with her when I can, which means that not much else gets done!
She's very very sweet and shaun and I are very much in love with her. We're slowly finding our feet and getting used to things. I'm breastfeeding and its going well, although I I can understand the allure of bottle feeding. Much more socially acceptable to whip out a bottle than a boob!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Birth Story

On wednesday morning we had a doctors appointment. Lily was 38 weeks and weighed approx 3.7. The doctor took my blood pressure & it was 150/90 or something along those lines. I have never had high blood pressure always on the low side so this meant nothing to me when he told me. He wasn't happy though & after one of the fabulous internal examinations we all know and love he said she's ready to come out. She was very low & I was about 1cm dilated already. Cervix was soft & all was fine so he scheduled an induction. I had to check into the labour ward at 10 that night and would be induced at 3 the following morning. I wasn't freaked out or worried, I was mentally prepared for a day in labour. I knew I was going to have an epidural and before that had practised my breathing and spiralling on the ball. Shaun and I went for dinner & then I had a bath and we went to the hospital. He hung out until about 11.30 then went home to sleep and I tried to sleep a bit as well. At 12 I was woken up to fill in forms but finally got to sleep about 12.30. At 3 I woke myself up and they induced me using this tampon kind of thing. Shaun arrived just after with coffee and we started our day. I was counting on her being out that evening, thinking worst case scenario. Doctor came in at 8 and checked and I was still the same as before. He told me to just take it easy because blood pressure was still high and that the sister would check again in 4 hours. So we killed time, getting more and more tired but happy and excited until 12, when they said I was still only 1cm. I was having very mild contractions but could hardly feel them. The doctor ordered Pethadine for me anyway which I refused because I've only heard bad things and there really wasn't much pain. So we then spent until 5 hanging out & trying very unsuccessfully to rest. Then the women in the labour room next door had a fast birth. The story is a bit skewed, what we overheard was that the nurses weren't paying much attention to her and suddenly she had the baby unassisted. The nurses said that they were trying to contact the anaesthetist and while they were on the phone she delivered. Whatever happened the doc came in and let rip and yelled at all of them! Not to long after that there was a women whose baby went into distress and had to be rushed off for an emergency c section. I was walking the corridor willing something to happen and the matron rushed past and yelled "you're in charge!" I was the only one not in pain yet! ha ha. At 5 the doctor came in and said I still wasnt progressing so he broke my waters- that was so weird! So much liquid pouring out of me and nothing I could do! Doctor advised I get the epidural as soon as possible because would start being very sore. So we moved to the delivery room and the nurses called for the anaesthetist. All of them were in surgery! So they called and called and eventually for Dr Jacobs who was on a bicycle ride near the hospital and said he'd come do it. He arrived all sweaty and in his riding stuff! They put a drip up- with a big nasty needle in my hand, which was quite sore but I am a real baby when it comes to needles. The doc gave me a local which stung and dint really numb anything at all and started with the epidural. I had to sit on the side of the bed and curve my back with a sister standing in front of me holding me still while he did it. It was pretty sore, like severe pressure. So he said ok your numb and I said no I'm not! So he turned it up and said now I must be and I still wasn't but was feeling something-or lack there of- on my right side. So he waited until I said yes its numb but only my right side. He didn't believe me and pinched my right side and I yelled! So he decided to do it again. So back up and we started all over again, this time i didn't feel the epidural needle at all because the local had finally kicked in. This made my right side even deader and my left side started feeling better except for my hip. I got the shivers and started being a bit loopy and they said ok cool its working and he left, I think his exact words were "you can read a newspaper now, I've given you such a strong dose". Nows where the fun started! I was lying on my left side and started feeling the contractions really strongly. I told the sister and she suggested I roll onto the other side because maybe I'm blocking the drip. As they rolled me I felt the needle in my back stick in something. I told the sister and she said no its flat it can't get caught. I asked again and she said there is no way. So I rolled over and it got worse! As I was breathing through a strong contraction the gyne came in & asked why I was in pain. So I told him the epidural wasn't woking on my left. He said I must definitely be lying on the side its not working on so that it can pool on that side. So they moved me again and again I felt the needle catch. I told the doctor and he said  that its fine and checked it but said all is ok. He wanted me to feel the contractions a bit as it would help me push. He then checked and said I was only 3cms and I needed to progress quickly now because we were running out of time. He said I had until 11 or would have to go for a c section. So he was going to give me a drug to speed up the contractions. He said it would be fine because I had the epidural so its not a problem that they'll be much more intense, but if they are to much I must have the gas to just help me a bit. He then decided to move my catheter that they had stuck on my leg with plaster. He ripped the plaster off and I screamed! Finally he believed I wasn't numb! So he turned the epidural up and said it will definitely start working now, one of the sisters must have turned it down he said. So he gave me this stuff into the drip called something with an S, to speed them up and he left. Wow. Within 2 contractions I was begging for the gas. The nurses said that the epidural had been turned down again and everyone was blaming everyone else, I swear no one touched that epidural so I have no idea what they were on about it, but all I wanted was the gas. They FINALLY after about 3 months worth of contractions bought it to me. By this stage my whole body was back to normal except for my right leg which was absolutely totally dead. I was having a contraction every minute or so and sucking the gas like it was life blood- and it really was. I can't remember half of what happened but I remember begging Shaun to call the doctor for a c section, saying that I couldn't go on, and that this was a really dumb idea-whose idea was it to have a baby anyway! I begged them to help me and call the doctor, but for 3 hours nothing happened. Then the gas ran out. Yes seriously! I felt it run out and told Shaun, but he said no no its in my mind its fine, still full. I made him go tell them it had run out and he did but he kept telling me it was full, because he knew already that it was finished and there was no more, the nurses were running around the hospital trying to find more. He was hoping placebo effect would kick in, and id think it was working. Well, it didn't. I still sucked on it with all my might but it was gone. Then my first angel arrived, in the form of an ICU midwife who had checked me in on wednesday night. She came to say hi and see how we were doing and saw the situation and cracked the whip. She made the labour staff call another anaesthetist and ask him to come and see what the problem was. I still had the epidural pumping into me with the needle in my back, but all I had was a totally dead leg. She then set about trying to find more gas. I was screaming, and cursing the hospital and the staff. I'm not a confrontational person at all, and would never swear at another person for incompetence, but I wasn't me. I was a crazy maniac. I was swearing and screaming and crying. I just wanted a rest, just a few minutes where I could catch my breath, but the contractions were coming so fast. Finally my second angel arrived, Dr Dennis looked at the epidural and said all looked fine, what the hell was going on? They then checked to see how far I was and I was 9 cms, basically ready to go. The Doc said he'll redo the epidural and the midwife said no he can't because I was to far. I then screamed at her to get me more bleeping gas then because I wasn't going to survive another second! The doctor, being the wonderful man he is, put his foot down and said I needed a new epidural, what's the point of having it in there if I was still in agony? So I had to sit up and keep as still as possible during the contractions while he did it. The midwife stood in front of me and braced me up against her and they kicked shaun out. I nearly stuck my fingers right through her arm, but I didn't move. He took the plaster off and the epidural had fallen out. I TOLD THEM! I had told them over and over that it had caught on something and no one believed me! And it was out! He then put another one in, that took forever but I started to go numb about 15 mins after he was finished. This time my left side was dead and I could feel my right side, but thakfully it was about 70% numb so the contractions were manageable. It was 1 am now and I knew I needed to try rest and regain my strength so I could push her out. The doc hadn't connected the epidural to a drip, he had given me a full dose that would last an hour. I knew that she'd take longer than that but they all seemed to think she would be here soon. So an hour later it started to wear off again, and the sister called him and he gave directions over the phone. She then gave me that dose and I was happy again. They told me to call them when I needed to push and we both tried to sleep a bit and regain out strength. I slept in 15 minute spurts because was having my pressure tested every 15mins but even that was just enough to pull myself together. I called them when I felt she was close and they called the doc and I woke up shaun. Doc then arrived and I was put into stirrups and moved into position and told how to push. I don't know how long that took, maybe half an hour, but I have no idea to be honest. I had to wait for a contraction ans take a deep breath then push without letting my breath out. wow, such hard work! She got stuck and had to be helped out using the vacuum which I hadn't wanted but there is no way your going to say that when your baby is in trouble! Suddenly she was out and on my chest and then gone again. She was pretty blue and had a score of 6 but within 5 mins she was a perfect 10. I then delivered the placenta and was stitched up, all the while shouting directions to Shaun to talk to her and not leave her alone and phone the parents and do this and that. Ha ha my wonderful patient husband. They then bought her to me again to hold and she was crying but as soon as I spoke to her she stopped and looked at me. It was such a beautiful moment. I had a chat with her then shaun did and then she had to go into the incubator because was very cold. Finally, it was over! My baby girl weighed 3.64 and was a healthy and gorgeous little bundle. She's so perfect! Her head is pretty swollen and bruised but everyone assures me that she is fine and it will go down soon. She got a bit of jaundice from that and had to go under the lights but she's fine and we're both so in love with her! What an absolute blessing we have been given!








Monday, August 15, 2011

packing, pain, packing, panicking and packing again!

For the last 3 weeks or so I have been packing and repacking and repacking my bag and Lilys bag for the hospital. I've changed the bag I've been using twice and landed up with my first choice again. Pretty much every second or third day I go through all the stuff I've packed up to now and usually add something or take something out. Its really quite ridiculous, but it makes me feel so much more in control-in a situation that Im absolutely controlless (I do'nt think that's a word but it sums up what I'm feeling). I have packed 4 outfits for Lily (and told Shaun which one is for her to wear when- I just hope he remembers! Yes it is important!) as well as a receiver and a fluffy blanket and a teddy bear- just in case she has to be away from me so shes not alone.  I've also packed her a dummy, bottle (for just in case), toiletries, wet wipes and nappies. I've packed it all in her gorgeous Lou Harvey nappy bag that my mom bought us, its amazing!
 For me I've used a pink duffel bag I bought in Bali and I've got a pair of PJs (I need at least one more pair-possibly 2 more) and slippers and a gown (that doesnt close but will hopefully after). I've also got a book called "how to crack an egg with one hand" that my mom bought me-full of useful stuff for moms.
 Also toiletries, cell phone charger, my notebook full of lists of things, some sucking sweet (apparently the gas and air makes you really thirsty and sparkles are the best thing for it). Um, 8 hour cream (which I cant live without), my Ipod and a whole load of other bits and bobs. You would never think we live 2 mins from the hospital, the way I'm obsessing over these stupid bags!

I've been in a lot of pain the last few days, she hasn't dropped yet but my pelvis and hips are really hurting and click when I roll over in bed which sucks. I'm also getting really bad leg cramps at night, which really keep me awake or wake me up. So I'm really looking forward to her coming out so I can go back to feeling normal. I hope she comes at 38 weeks, I really think she will, I think she'll come on the 27th (trying to think it into reality) Shaun says between the 1st and the 5th. So well see!

xox

Blessings

I read a quote yesterday that said "What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday" and I thought "what would I land up with?" I'd land up with a healthy baby, my wonderful husband and my awesome friends and family. I never seem to thank God for my house, or car or new dishwasher, but for the people that make my life worth living. What are we really without the people in our lives? Empty shells with nothing else. I am as materialistic as the next person- let's be honest now, but when it comes down to it none of that stuff matters. So this post is about counting my many blessings. I am first and for mostly blessed with the most wonderful husband, who is kind and caring and is going to be such an amazing father to our little girl. I'm also blessed with my little girl, although I haven't met her yet, I have such a bond with her already. I feel as if I've known her for years and she's not even here yet. 
Shaun and I are blessed with such wonderful parents. They are so giving and caring and help us out all the time, they just support us and offer us such guidance and strength and we are so so lucky to have them. I hope they all know that "thank you" can never express the enormous gratitude we feel towards them. 
Our siblings and wonderful friends and family are a daily blessing to us, for always offering an ear to moan to about being pregnant for 50 years, or just a chat about the weather. They are always there no matter what, and I only hope they know that we are there for them as well. 
We're both blessed with grandparents- in fact I'm blessed with two great grandmothers! They are a wealth of support and love to us and constantly check in, purely because they love us. Our little girl is about to be born into this spectacular family, and she is going to bring us such joy. She's a very lucky girl in my opinion!

Big Baby

When we went for out 32 week scan my doctor said BIG BABY! He said she was getting very big and advised I went for a Gestational Diabetes test just to ensure there was nothing wrong with my sugar levels. He didn't seem worried at all, as she was only 400g over the usual size, but was just being cautious. So I had to go and get blood taken- which I just loved :-s and then drink this sweet lemonade and wait an hour and be poked again and get more blood taken. Turns out everything is fine, shes just big. Shes not actually that big but the doc wont deliver her naturally if shes bigger than 4 kgs in case her shoulders get stuck. So I'm ok with that, although I really don't want a C-section if its the best thing for us I'll do it. Thankfully our doctor doesn't like C-sections at all so he wont push it if not absolutely necessary. She was 2.9 at our last scan, which was 34 weeks- Im now 36 weeks and our next scan is Thursday. I don't think she'll be 4 kgs, the doc thinks she'll be 3.7 which is a good size. I hope she comes in the next 2 weeks- Im a bit over this now!

Baby Shower

My baby shower was on the 9th July in Jhb at my moms house. I flew up on the Thursday and hung out with my dad on Thursday night and spent the day with my mom on Friday. Saturday was spent rushing around cooking and prepping for the 30 plus people we had invited. Firstly Russell arrived bringing millions of floating pink balloons and beautiful flowers, they Jenn arrived and turned the house into a pink baby paradise! Mom made the most amazing food and we were finally ready. Everyone arrived at 2 and I was flabbergasted at the amount of presents we received! I had seriously thought I'd fit most of what we got into my suitcase! HA! Thank goodness for my mom in law who was driving down to Durbs the following week, and offered to bring it all down. We had a lovely time, although I didn't get to spend as much time with everyone as I had hoped. We got so spoilt and I have 99% of the stuff I need for Lily now! Here are some pics of our wonderful day!















Wednesday, July 20, 2011

101 things you didn't know about me...

1. Ive always wanted to be a mom
2. but I never thought Id have my own kids, I always thought I'd adopt.
3. until I met my soul mate!
4. I love being married more than anything
5. I lived in JHB my whole life but live on the coast now and happier than Ive ever been.
6. I love cooking
7. My favorite comfort food is home made Mac and Cheese with tomoato sauce
8. Creme Brule is my favorite dessert.
9. I have a younger brother who I adore, and constantly worry about.
10. My biggest fear is losing someone I love
11. Im terrified of needles< but not of the pain. The thought of them poking me freaks me out.
12. Im also terrified of spiders, but not of being bitten. Im scared they touch me.
13. Everyday I wish my parents didnt get divorced, even though they have been apart for 10 years now.
14. My have to forgive my step mother everyday, so that one day hopefully Ill stop blaming her.
15. I am a passifist and dont like conflict
16. Im not very creative, but I wish I was!
17. when i think horrible thoughts about people I berate myself and apologize to them...in my thoughts.
18. I belive thoughts can change things
19. I believe what goes around comes around, so I try to be nice to everyone I meet
20. I hate racism
21. especially women who are racist, I find it much more offensive than when a man is racist
22. I openly admit im sexist.
23. I very rarely swear
24. I try hard not to judge others, although I have to remind myslef of this often
25. especially when I see parents not strapping their children in- this makes my blood boil.
26. i thank the ATM when it gives me money, not always in my mind.
27. I pray every night
28. the first thing I say is Thank you for my hubby
29. I love religion
30. But I'm not at all religious
31. I'm very spiritual and believe what I believe with everything I have
32. I still have two Great- Grandmothers, but no Great- Grandfathers
33. I don't believe in heaven and hell, even though I grew up terrified of the devil
34. I remember the second I realized that I didnt believe in any of it
35. Im not very clever (I'm not being modest) but I read a lot so I sound clever.
36. I read so fast I usually read my books four or five times.
37. Im a Harry Potter addict and just about know the books off by heart
38. All I want from my kids is that they are kind
39. The worst thing my kids could be are bullies
40. I wish I could be a hippy, its just not a look I could pull off.
41. I'm the kind of person who wont be happy anywhere, I'm always thinking "where to next"
42. I loved England and will live there again one day
43. As soon as I landed in Australia I wanted to go home.
44. I hate having a maid, but unfortunately I'm a terrible house keeper so have a lady who comes in once a week.
45. I can do pretty much any style in my hair using my GHD, its my most prized possession.
46. When I found out I was pregnant I went blank, then sat on the toilet and smiled for like five mins
47. I have a cat named Milkshake who is so special, he has a wonderful little soul and I'm so glad we saved him from the SPCA when we did.
48. I wish I could do more to help the starving people in the world, but I don't know where to start.
49. I always wanted to have bright red hair, like Ariel the mermaid
50. I love feeling my baby kick, but other than that I'm not enjoying being pregnant. I hate being so huge.
51. I've never won anything
52. I get very upset when people are rude to me, it can destroy my whole day
53. I have a fantastic relationship with both my parents
54. My cousin is like a sister to me, and I miss her so much now that she's moved away
55. I think cheating is the worst thing someone can ever do
56. closely followed by lying
57. My husband is a fantastic surfer and is only truly happy when he's in the water, I'll never move in-land purely because I know how much he'll miss the sea
58. I'm terrified of the sea and the waves
59. My brother is incredibly intelligent, and most of the time I have no idea what he's talking about
60. I'm pretty good with computers- although this is thanks largely to Google.
61. I have a soul friend in Jenni, she is the most wonderful person and I hope her life is perfect.
62. I have very sensitive skin and terrible eczema.
63. I meet people very easily
64. but I'm pretty happy with my own company
65. I would love to own a book store
66. I have a BA in Corporate Communications.
67. I wish I had studied hairdressing, but feel that its to late now
68. I'd also have loved to be a GP
69. I remember my dad being horrified when I said I wanted to be a secretary one day when I'm big, but I still think its a cool job!
70. I spend 97% of my time worrying something will go wrong with my baby.
71. the other 3% of my time is spent telling myself not to worry
72. I hate making phone calls to people I don't know, but do it just about daily
73. I had laser surgery on my eyes a year ago, and it was the scariest thing I've ever done- but so worth while
74. I'm a terrible speller, so I use spell check all the time
75. My pet peeve is bad spelling and grammar
76. I work from home, which I love and hate. I get so lonely.
77. As a recruitment agent I have had to fire two people. Both times I cried.
78. Every time I leave the house I check I've turned my hair straightener off, whether I've used it or not. I'm so scared the house burns down and its my fault
79. I cant believe people drive drunk, I'll never understand it.
80. I'm not a big drinker because I get sick to quickly and don't like the taste of alcohol
81. I miss Shaun so much when we're apart, even just for a day
82. He once worked away for 5 weeks...it was hell from day one.
83. I'd rather my kids have their dad with them all the time than have buckets of money
84. I hate discussing weight, yours, mine, anyone's. I hate it.
85. My parents took us travelling when we were younger, and so I have seen most of Europe and America. I have wonderful memories from these trips.
86. My favorite song in the whole world is Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, it was my dance with my dad at my wedding.
87. It rained all day on my wedding day, but I didn't mind.
88. I can read violent books, but not watch violent movies.
89. I love flowers that look like cartoons, that's why Gerberers are my favorite
90. I love Disney!
91. I'm a handbag person more than a shoe person. I'd rather spend money on a handbag.
92. I hate telling the time on a normal clock
93. I always mix up my lefts and rights.
94. I also have to consciously think which way a "b" and a "d" go when I'm writing
95. I actually don't mind washing dishes
96. but HATE washing the floor
97. I laugh at stupid jokes for ages, and will often wake myself up laughing at something dum.
98. I don't like going out to clubs, although I have fun when I'm out. I prefer to go out to dinner or a braai so I can talk.
99. My babys name is Lily and my cousins baby is James. Together we have Harry Potters parents. No it wasn't planned.
100. I only drink Rooibos tea, normal tea smells disgusting to me.
101. I love all things pink and sparkly!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Baby School

Im just loving antenatal classes. the midwife is very nice, she's funny and seems to really know what shes doing. I think shes a bit over protective, in that she is an absolute purist, wants us to only eat the healthiest food, exercise, breast feed for two years or longer. Unfortunately this isn't possible all the time! I wont be breastfeeding for two years for sure, I think its way to long and is a bit weird. My aim to to do it for 8 months, but if I decide after 3 months to stop that's ok too, I'm not putting any pressure on myself. I'm trying my best to eat healthily, having smoothies or cereal for breakfast, a sarmie for lunch and a good dinner. I've always eaten pretty healthily so it's not too hard, however I refuse to totally cut out all sweets and choc, milo, bacon, sausages and the millions of other things she has told us to avoid. I'm not eating loads but geez, when this baby comes I wont be allowed any of it (for breastfeeding and weight loss) so I'm using my discretion, my baby will tell me what I feel like and don't feel like and she's the boss! This weeks class we went up to the labor ward, delivery room and maternity ward. I'v got to say I was a bit creeped out when I saw the delivery room, its got this high bed that sort of splits and has stirrups fixed on the sides. There is an incubator and a table thing to put the baby on that has a heater and stuff. I've never stayed over night in hospital, and have only been in twice for other things so I'm a bit nervous. The classes make it all easier though because we get to meet the staff and connect with other couples who are in the same boat as us. We spoke about what we need to pack in our bags for the labor ward and maternity ward and now that's all I can think of! I'm obsessing over what bag to take, what to wear, what Lily will wear...ugh driving myself mad.
I'm getting a cold, which really sucks as my already aching body is aching even more now. But at least the weather is nice and its half way through the week! One week closer to my baby shower, seeing my baby again and the big day!

Monday, June 20, 2011

26 week scan and 4D scan

Had our 26 week scan, shes a healthy 1kg and is a happy bouncing butterfly in my tummy! heres some pics:

today we went and had our 4D scan, at 28 weeks. she was so uncooperative but eventually we managed to see her face!
video

Monday, June 6, 2011

Best (and worst) things about pregnancy

Best:
1) Being treated by a princess by waiters and waitresses- today I had a waiter move the table to make sure I could fit in, asked me if I was comfy and then double checked with the kitchen that my coffee was decaf. Its the small things that really make a difference.
2) being allowed- and almost expected- to have an afternoon sleep! and having everyone tell me to just take it easy and put my feet up, like I'm made of spun glass. I love it! Wonderful to feel so treasured.
3) having people say I look wonderful pregnant, I know they're just saying it to make me feel better, but I love it that they care enough to say it!
4) car guards who help me with my groceries
5) scans to see our little bean growing and bouncing around my tummy
6) FEELING my little bean bouncing around my tummy!
7) seeing my tummy get bigger- though this is one of the worst things to.
8) buying baby stuff!
9) weekly updates on what our baby is up to via the internet, and then checking our baby books to see what else shes doing.
10) seeing my hubby get so excited when he talks about our little gem.

Worst:
1) Swollen Feet
2) Aches and pains all over- back pain, pelvic pain, leg cramps uuuugh!
3) PIMPLES!
4) worrying constantly about whats safe to eat, do, smell....
5) getting dirty looks from other women- I've noticed this a few times? So weird! Maybe its because I look young? I'm married for goodness sake- and even if I wasn't- who are to to judge me??? What the hell???
6) Being oversensitive and perhaps seeing things as worse than the are. Also getting annoyed much faster than usual, I'm usually a peaceful and calm person. My blood seems to start boiling at the smallest things now.
7) baby brain baby brain baby brain!!!! I lose my thought half way through talking, drive like a maniac and forget peoples names. This baby better be very smart, because shes taken all my brain power.
8) weight gain and not fitting into my favorite clothes and people saying "wow your carrying heavy" or "your getting fat hay" or " how much do you weigh now" um.... excuse me? what makes you think its ok to say/ask this? Its not ok when I'm not pregnant so why would it be ok to say this to the irritable, tearful pregnant person?
9) Peeing...all...the...freaking...time....
10)  people taking photos of me looking like a beached whale.

although the lists are the same length, I really feel the pros outweigh the cons. The fact is, I'm gonna have a gorgeous baby girl at the end of it all- and I cant wait! so I don't mind being a fat, tearful pimply crazy person for 3 or 4 more months, if it means i get to hold me little precious one at the end of it all.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

All suddenly very real...

So I booked my bed yesterday. I had to go into the hospital and fill in millions of forms and answer all these questions about my medical history and all that.Then went up to the maternity ward to book our ante-natal classes. When I walked out it suddenly hit me that in at least 10 weeks- though probably 14- I'll be giving birth. I know its silly, this should have dawned on my when we bought the pram, or collected the cot or crib, or maybe when my tummy obscured the view of my feet, but it didn't. Only when the women checking me in said "you're husband can get you settled in the ward and then come down here and get your file" did I think..."Oh My Gosh I'm gonna be in a ward!!!" I'v never even stayed over night in a hospital before! So I freaked out a bit but then gave myself a bit of a talking to (she's gotta come out sometime Shaz, you can get your body back Shaz, you can have a cup of coffee or a glass of wine Shaz!!!). Then I went shopping and felt better.

The more irritating thing is trying to do her nursery (ok, granted most things are irritating to me these days- like the fact that my cat insists on sleeping on my feet, or that its windy or the robot isn't green when I get to it... ha ha) but I have not been able to find Linen for her bed. I walked Pavillion and Gateway and looked all over the Bay and couldn't find what I was looking for. So in desperation I googled "cheap baby linen" and came across a women who sews from home and makes gorgeous stuff! So I chose what I want and its so perfect!
Its exactly what I wanted, and really not expensive at all- which was the other big factor of course! So now we have the pram, linen will be ready first week in July and then all we need is the this and that baby stuff that I'll buy after my baby shower. Next scan is the 7th, I cant wait to see our little bean again!

Holidays and 21 week scan.

I haven't written for a while, so I'll start with our lovely holiday at the vaal. We had so many public holidays so we went up for 10 days. We left after work on the Thursday afternoon and arrived late that night at the freezing cold Vaal. Mom came through the next day and we spent the next 10 days surrounded by wonderful friends and family.  Was so wonderful to see everyone. The only thing is that it was so cold! I was very ready to come home to Richards Bay where the coldest it gets to is about 16, and thats first thing in the morning when I'm in bed anyway! I started feeling Lily moving when we were up there, she had moved once or twice before but not every single day, as soon as we hit 20 weeks she started moving loads! Especially after I ate anything- especially anything sweet!

We had a scan the day after we got home, and saw our little girl properly for the first time. The doctor had to do the organ scan to check all her insides were developing properly and all that (which they are). She has moving loads during the scan, I don't think she likes being poked and prodded! We finally got a good look at her face, after the doc shook my tummy! She was lying with her arms thrown up over her head and eventually moved them and he snapped the pic. I cant believe shes only 20 or so cms but is a complete person. She looks just like Shaun, has the same mouth and I can just see him in her- hopefully when she comes out she has some of my characteristics to, but her daddy is very handsome so Im not complaining!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

18 weeks

our little girl is 18 weeks now and is growing like a happy bean. Mind you, so am I! I feel like I'm growing over night, it was actually getting me very depressed. I know its silly, but I just didn't think about growing out of all my clothes! It doesn't help that maternity clothes down here are just about non existent! I'm accepting it a bit better now though, my poor hubby needs to keep giving me reassurance but its OK. I'm enjoying seeing my tummy getting bigger because I know it means were getting closer to meeting our little girl.
We're going up to the Vaal in a week and a half for ten days and I cant wait! Poor milkshake has to go to kennels but he'll be ok, it does him good I think. Hes the naughtiest cat you'll ever meet and a week or so of kennels should teach him to behave again...ya I know I'm kidding myself. We've had so much rain and our cat doesn't seem to realize this means he should move inside! So he sits out in the poring rain and when its time for us to get up he comes in for food and rubs up against us, making us sopping wet and the floor full of mud! The other day he went outside and stepped in a huge puddle which he didn't like at all so he came charging back inside, but was so wet he slipped and slid all over the house! It was hysterical because you just cant calm him down and just have to watch him sliding all over crashing into things. stupid thing.
Work is very slow and I'm very bored, but I know its for the beast because I wont have to worry when Lily comes, but I must say I'm looking forward to doing something when she's a bit bigger. I have a meeting with Richards Bay Family center next week, they want me to sit on their financial board to help decide where funding needs to be. I'm really excited about that because its right up my ally!
I'm cooking for Shauns boss and colleague tonight, so I'm off to the shops, thank goodness I have Priscilla here today or I'd have to be cleaning as well. At least now I just have to cook and make myself presentable...and find something that fits me to wear!
Lots of Love
xox

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Video of our scan

video

Its a GIRL!

We finally found out! We're so thrilled, I am so happy! I knew I'd be happy either was, but very pleased its a girl. We had a lovely scan and saw that shes very active, growing well and moving around loads. I was over whelmed that I forgot to ask the doctor how big she is, but I could see that shes pretty big, and I can feel it to! I feel heavy and have felt her kick a few times. heres a pic of her hands
she was waving to us! The next one is her legs, she was hiding so we couldn't really see her face, hopefully next time!
the doctor said it 95% confirmed that she is a she but will know for sure next time! so very very exciting!

Thats all for now!
lots of love!

Monday, April 4, 2011

Pink or Blue

We'll be finding out on Thursday if we're having a boy or girl. We really don't mind either way, but I cant believe the number of people who have asked us what we're hoping for. There is no right answer! If we had to answer one and got the other then what?
Its so funny how everyone has an opinion, I actually like hearing people throw out guesses. Everyone says something, even people I hardly know! I feel differently every day, one day I feel its a a girl and the next I'm sure its a boy. We just cant wait to know for sure, although I'm trying to not get to excited because the baby may decide to not show us!
I havent bought anything yet, because waiting to know. We got our cot and compactum this weekend, that Sharon left for us. Its so cool and the cot is very larny. It has a built in mobile and can convert to a childs day bed when he or she outgrows it. A bed for toys I guess! The compactum is really perfect to, originally I wanted a wooden one with drawers in it, but this one is really all we need, as the room is quite small. Milkshake has been eyeing the cot, but I'm keeping a close eye on him and shout at him if he gets to close. I don't want to keep him out the room totally because then it'll be a novelty to run in every time the door opens! I know he'll be very sweet with the baby, but my concern is he loves it to much!
Till Thursday!
xox

Thursday, March 31, 2011

First three months...

We now had to come to terms with the fact that there was a baby in me! I had such terrible cramps still, and they lasted until I was about eight weeks. I was nauseous constantly but thankfully never sick, but Oh my word the utter exhaustion is just crazy! I couldn't keep my eyes open! We had our first appointment with the doctor at eight weeks, he's really nice and we both liked him on sight- even though he jammed that scary camera stick into me, which I wasn't really expecting! We got to see our little blob and could see its heart beat going crazy. My first thought was "Its a boy". Still don't know if I was right! We went home clutching a goodie bag of free samples and advice and feeling happy and excited. Two days later I woke up to let Shaun out to go surfing, when I went to the loo afterwards I was greeted with a streak of blood. (Sorry for TMI but its just one of those things, don't read on if you don't want to know!) I freaked out and called Shaun who came home immediately and I cried and cried until I called the doctor at 9. They said if it's just a small amount and has stopped now don't worry about it, spend the day in bed and call us if it starts again. So after a lot of googling and talking to my mom and Sharon I tried to stay calm and got back into bed. About midday I got up and went to the loo and it was back, worse. I immediately called the doc and made an appointment for that afternoon. It really was one of the worst days I'v ever had, I was terrified for my baby but I also didn't want to overreact and make things worse by getting stressed out. When we got to the doctor he did another scan and we heard the babies heart beat, nice and strong. He said although any bleeding is viewed as a possible miscarriage, there is less than 10% chance of losing the baby after we hear a heart beat. He prescribed a month of progesterone and a week of bed rest. I continued spotting for about 3 weeks, was always worse if I stood for a long time so I tried to just chill and keep myself calm and relaxed. When we went for our scan at 12 weeks I was feeling human again and only then realized how truly awful I had felt in those first few weeks! We saw the baby kicking and bucking and moving around like crazy! The doctor said the bleeding was obviously nothing to worry about, sometimes these things just happen. He did a down syndrome scan and I had to have a gazillion blood tests (which I was very brave for and didn't cry at all!) and everything is clear and were on track with a healthy pregnancy!

Next scan is on the 7th April and we're hoping well know if it's pink or blue! In the meantime we have moved house to a bigger place two houses down from our last place and have received our first baby presents! I haven't bought anything yet because want to know the sex first. We are fetching some baby furniture this weekend that Sharon and Simon gave us, I cant wait to set up the nursery and I cant wait to start looking pregnant! At the moment I just look fat!! I (think) I felt the baby move twice, it felt like something new, something I hadn't felt before so I'm sure it must have been the baby.

Until next week...
xox

First Post

I'v decided that my pregnancy is the biggest thing to happen in my life so far, so I really need to blog about it! I'm 16 weeks along now, so yes, its taken me a while to decide this but I feel I should be excused...those first three months I wasn't really human! Anyway, heres the story so far...

I stopped the pill in July, we had been discussing it for ages and eventually while driving home from a weekend away we just decided that its stupid to still take precautions. We've been married for two years, we know we want children and we both are more than ready so lets get on it and see where nature takes us. Me being me however, cannot ever leave anything up to nature so I obsessively got onto google to find out when and how and all the other myths on how to fall pregnant quickly! Now that we had decided , I wanted it to happen NOW! I told Sharon my wonderful cousin who is close enough to be my sister and my best friend Jenni. I didn't want anyone else to know because didn't want the pressure, I was putting enough pressure on myself as it was! July went by with a perfectly normal cycle which was good because I knew that taking the pill for 8 years or so didn't screw me up to badly! Then August came and went, then September and October and November. By this stage i was obsessively checking ovulation dates and counting, counting, counting days all the time! I had stopped drinking and doing anything unhealthy and was really going a bit psycho about it all.  So I decided that for Christmas and New Year I was gonna let my hair down and have fun and get the ball rolling again in Jan. So i did! We went out and drank and didn't worry about it at all! Christmas day I was so exhausted and moody and miserable. It had been the first Christmas I hadn't spent with my mom for years and this really played on my mind all day- which was so random because we had a great day with everyone else! I then got home to my dads house and was so exhausted I was asleep by 5 o clock! We were all really tired though so i didn't think ANYTHING OF IT! New Years came around and we were all up for a big party, Shaun bought tequila and we got pink champagne and we all got dolled up and pretty...and I decided I wanted to go home. I didn't want to be there I wanted to be home with my cat. So I begged off, told Sharon I couldn't drink because I was late with my period (which i wasn't- sorry sha!). I hadn't started yet, but knew I had two more days. So i went to bed feeling boring and miserable and wanting to go home. the next morning we packed up and left and as we were pulling out Vanida saw the baby croc airfreshner I have hanging from my rear-view mirror and said "oooh Shaz, when will it be? pink or blue?!" we all laughed it off and went home! That was the 1st, that night I had cramps so took a painkiller and a hot water bottle and went to bed. The next day I was in agony! I had terrible pains in my abdomen, it felt like burning! I took more painkillers and a hot water bottle and went to be (I was now one day late but in so much pain I thought it must be coming). On the 3rd I woke up and decided that I was pregnant. I didn't say thing to Shaun though because I had decided this about 3 times before and was wrong but this time I knew I was right, so as soon as the shops opened I went and bought two tests, flew home and took the first one. Two beautiful pink lines appeared immediately. I just sat there for like 5 minutes not knowing what the hell to do!!! So I started drinking water to take the other one, meanwhile Shaun phones me asking if I want to go to Mozambique in April. I CANT TELL HIM OVER THE PHONE!!! So I say, sure thats a great idea! I'll look up places to stay - all the while going, uh uh nope we gonna be pregnant! So I do the next test and its positive too. I now need real proof so go to Dischem for a blood test, which they don't do. I need to go to the hospital for it! OK I'm not quite brave enough to do that alone so I go home to wait for Shaun, who was coming home for lunch. I swear I sat for those two hours doing nothing but walking up and down the kitchen, periodically yelling "WHAT AM I GONNA DO!" and "HURRY UP SHAUN!!!" and dialing Sharon's number so I could tell SOMEONE and then not placing the call because it had to be Shaun I told first. FINALLY he got home, and I rushed out and he knew something was up and said what?! I'M PREGNANT I said and he was like, your joking. So I showed him the tests and we jumped around in shock for a while before calming down and going to the hospital for a blood test (which I cried all the way through of course) half and hour later they called and said it was positive and we were gonna have a baby. We then called everyone!!!

couldn't believe we were gonna have a baby!!!